Call. I received a call. A call. Fuck. If I wasn't too incessant about the "secret-convo" of my friend and my ex...I wouldn't feel this....ugh..fuck. I don't even know how to elucidate my feelings... Yes, I really tried my best to move on for almost 7 months or so..I became a die hard fan of Big Bang. I fell in love with them; forgetting almost everything about "us". But shit. I cannot escape the memories that keeps on coming back. 3 years. I told myself that "wow, I really got over with him" (no more crying at nights, no more checking of phone coz he might text me or whatsoever) but fuck this fucked up feelings. 'twas all a lie. How can you fucking move on with that 3 long years? Yeah I know, there were times that I really miss him.. I'm imagining things that he's still the my boyfriend like nothing happened.. This night. Everything seems to change. Oh no. Scratch that. NOTHING CHANGED. Fuck. I still love him? I DON'T KNOW. So now, here's the fucking convo.
Friend: Hey, you still miss her?
HIM: Yeah, 3 years is long, you know.
Friend: Eh, why don't you court her again?
HIM: I'll do that but in the right time.
NOT THE EXACT CONVO BUT THE THOUGHT WAS THERE!!! Does this mean that he still loves me? I just wished that he'll be giving me a closure about "US". I was never open to guys who offers dates to me..I tried distancing myself to guys who are still interested in me. Why? Because. I'm still hoping that my ex would be confiding to me that he still loves me...that he wants me back..that he wants us to start again...but then again maybe I'm still living in the fool's paradise...How I wish boy, you'll have the guts to say whatever you want towards me; I want you to be honest with me. Don't give me hints. I don't want to expect too much on you..I just want to know if you still love me...coz if yes, I'm willing to wait for you..but if you're still unsure with your feelings, just please do say it. I don't want to be a captive of the past. I want to move on, erasing all the scars...I just need to hear what's your side. You're always leaving me hanging.. Leaving all my questions, unanswered.
